Confessions of an Overprotective Paranoid Mother

It all started when I was holding my firstborn while eating my dinner. He was about 6 days old. I was eating a baked potato when some sour cream missed my mouth and splattered onto my newborn's little baby cheek. I looked down at him, it hit me, just like the sour cream hit him, how he couldn't wipe the mishap off his own face. Without me the dallop of Daisy would probably just stay there globbed to his face for quite sometime. I realized how vulnerable, needy, and dependant he was. Dependant ON ME! Without me and my ability to wipe, he would just have to sit there, a little sourcream puss.(of course without me and my inability to get food IN my mouth it would have never been on his puss to begin with.)
Being a mother meant it was my responsibility to keep this little helpless being alive for the rest of his life. And not only keep him alive, but keep him happy and healthy! That is when my happy easygoing nature ended. From that moment on I became "SMOTHER" of the year. 15 years and 2 more kids later I still hold the world championship title.
It has been taxing at times being the worrier that I am. And at others it is just plain embarassing. Whenever we are out in public you will probably hear me say "where is Natalie?" or "I can't see Max" in a panicked tone at least 15 times each outting. I do not let my little kids play out in the front yard without me present. Diseases and kidnappers are two of my biggest phoebias. I know where my kids are at all times, and I do not let them use ANY public restrooms without me or an adult they know accompyaning them.
The other day Maxton asked me if he could ride his bike over to his friends house. He had never been to this particular friends house and although this friend lives in our neighborhood it is quite far from our house. I thought about this, wanting him to be able to have this little bit of freedom. So to my own suprise I heard myself say "ok." He got on his bike and then said "what if I get lost?" Great, now my paranoid mind was spinning, so since I was taking my older son over to the movie theatre right then I told him I would follow him in the car. So I did, and he knew the way just fine. As he arrived at his friends house I drove by, the mother of his friend was outside doing yardwork. She asked me what I was doing, I explained I was worried Max might get lost so I had followed him to her house. I also admitted he had never ridden his bike all alone through the neighborhood due to my paranoid nature. She told me that Max could meet her son at their home each morning and ride together to school. "WHOA now, baby steps" I blurted out, she looked at me funny. But I knew there was no way I could let Max ride all the way to school without me pulling all my hair out with worry.
I told her to send Max home at four o' clock. And I told myself that I was not going to worry and go over there and follow him home, that I would let him ride home on his own and that he would be ok. I drove my oldest to the movie theatre and dropped him off, without a second thought, I guess my obsessive behavior ends by the time they reach 13 or 14 and I begin to relax, a little. I drove home. As 4 o' clock approached I again told myself I was NOT going to go follow him home. At 3:59 I was in the car. I didn't want the mother of Max's friend to see me. So I pulled up to a curb a few houses down and watched for Max on his bike. By 4:04 I was worried he had gone the way of the busy street. So I pulled out and drove by the house where he was playing, his bike was still in the drive-way. The mom, who is also MY friend said "is it four o'clock already?" I lie "oh just barely,I am on my way to pick up my other son from the movies, will you just tell Max to go home and I will be there in a minute?" she says "sure thing, see ya Eve." I didn't really need to get my oldest he was getting a ride with someone else's mom, I was just too embarrassed to let her know what a freak I am. So I drove around the block and parked my car along side the same curb a few houses down and waited for Max. Once again he didn't come. I waited 6 minutes then drove around the block in the opposite direction so it would appear that I was on my way BACK from the movie theatre. I saw that Max was headed home. I drove-by Maxton's friends house, and saw my friend again who was still outside, I waved, not even thinking about the fact that she might notice that I didn't have my other son in the car with me. I followed Max all the way home. I was feeling embarrassed and ashamed of my overprotectiveness. I stopped to talk to my cute friend who lives across the street. I told her about what I had just done. She laughed and then told me that she didn't even let her daughter ride her bike a few doors down unless she was watching her, and her daughter is older then Max. That made me feel like I wasn't alone in my "smothering". Later that night when I was tucking Max into his bed he said "mom, I knew you would come follow me home" I said "I am sorry, someday I won't worry so much" he then said "I was glad I knew you would be coming, and I knew you WOULD come, that is why I wasn't scared." Bless his heart for giving me what I needed to hear, that he was ok with me being the freakish mother that I am. I love my kids.
I admire all the many kinds of Mother's there are out there. Especially my own overprotective paranoid mother, who always knew where I was and who would never let me go into a public restroom alone,or even let me play in the germ infested ball pit, I myself always felt safe, protected and loved. Oh and she always tells me when I have sour cream on my face, which is almost always.