Nostrils that go BUMP in the night

Kevin is a man of many talents. But I have to say that his ability to mimic sounds while he is sleeping, through his snoring has got to be one of his greatest. What amazes me most about this, is that not only does each snore take on it's own unique sound, it seems as if he is throwing the sound. For example on many occasions I think there is a burglar downstairs whistling while he is rummaging through my pantry. But as I strain to hear I realize it is just coming from Kevin's nostrils,I don't know how he makes it seem like the sound is coming from another room. Last night I was having this exciting dream that I was being pushed around in a shopping cart by Angelina Jolie and she was letting me put whatever I wanted into the cart,(I think perhaps I had just been adopted by her and Brad)Just as I was about put a darling pair of shoes into my cart I was rudely awakened by a baby crying. So I go to nudge Kevin awake and tell him I am concerned because I can hear a baby crying when I realize AGAIN, that it is just Kevin's nose wailing, I resist the urge to say "I'll give you something to cry about" and also resist the urge to punch him in the nose, mainly because I fear if I do that the sounds coming from it will somehow get louder if his nose is enlarged and swollen.
One time his snoring sounded exactly the same as when Ariel from Disney's Little Mermaid, was singing ah ah ah ah ah ah,his nose hit every note perfectly. I wish I had recorded it. There was also another time that I thought our car alarm was going off in our garage. Nope, must have just accidentally bumped Kevin causing his nose alarm to sound. I have to say the weirdest one that seems to happen the most is the snoring that sounds just like one of my kids saying "MOM!" This one always makes me wake up and I immediately bolt down the hall to their rooms only to find them sleeping. Then when I get back in bed and try and go back to sleep I realize that it was only Kevin's nostrils doing the "mom" impersonation.Sometimes in the winter I get to awake to the sound of birds chirping at 5am, I don't mind because it makes me think Spring is coming, until the snoring takes a turn for the worse and starts sounding like a rabid dog EATING the now screeching birds. The toilet flushing snortle is also regularly played.
Sometimes his snoring is a soothing rhythmic sound that lulls me to sleep. Other times it keeps me awake. More often times it startles me awake and I say "WHAT WAS THAT?!" and Kevin will answer "it was just my nose, go back to sleep."
I wonder what impersonations his nose will do tonight, I wish his nose would take requests, I like the lapping waves one, quite relaxing, Ooo or Josh Groban's "You Raise Me Up" was a good one too!
In our bed, there is NEVER a dull nor perfectly quiet moment, and I wouldn't want it any other way!